A lot to be thankful for!
You know, the timing of this stolen car of mine is really pretty awful. I mean, how am I supposed to feel bad about myself when our nation is focusing on what we're thankful for? ;)
Actually, it couldn't have happened at a better time. Last night, after classes were out and for the first time didn't have anything urgent that I absolutely HAD to do to meet a deadline, I sat in my apartment and started to get all down and gloomy (helped of course by the current weather we've been having). I was starting to get filled with rage, and since I didn't have anyone to take it out on, I started to hate Seattle again (like when I first moved here) except this time my thoughts about the city and its people were getting vicious and hateful. I knew it needed to stop and that I was just letting my mind wander because I felt hopeless. So, I decided to get off my tush and go out and look for my car on foot. Now, I had no real expectation of finding it (which I didn't) but I thought that at least I was TRYING to do SOMETHING about the state I was in. So, I dressed warmly and went out and combed the streets of the University District. Some of the statistics I've read have said that stolen cars are sometimes abandoned in the same neighborhood from where they were stolen. I thought I would go and and give that theory a try.
Although my search came up empty handed, the walking felt great. I realized that I could look for my car and talk at the same time (multi-tasking at its finest), and then also took a lot of time to process some emotional build-up I had put to the side and not dealt with yet. In the previous 48 hours I had gone through the gamut of emotions: trying to let it roll off my back, laughing about it with my classmates, crying about it alone, feeling violated and vulnerable to pissed off and wanting to scream, the typical emotional responses that you go through when you experience a great change in your life. I just wanted all of that to be better and resolved. I took three hours, selected a neighborhood north of campus, and basically didn't leave a single street unchecked. I didn't find my car, but I did find quite a few Nissan Sentras, and one that I imagine had also been stolen and abandoned. It was red, had been bashed in the side, and was parked on a little side street with 2 tickets on the windshield. It made me feel bad for my little car...wherever it is. As I walked, I just told myself that each minute I was out there was another minute closer to being more at peace with this situation, whatever it may be. I'm not the type of person to say that everything is fine now, I know stuff like this doesn't heal overnight. But, taking that time helped me feel good last night, which I really needed.
One thing that really helped was thinking about my family. One year ago, today, my Uncle Grayson passed away at the age of 69 from a mixture of cancers. His son, Jared, more my brother than my cousin, and I talked for quite a while on the phone. He listened to me as I bitched and moaned about my car, and then we spoke about this past year and how it has affected his life. It made me remember that although losing a car this way really sucks, it's not a death, and nobody in my life has been taken away from me or hurt. I still have a father, a mother, all of my siblings, and I haven't lost anyone near or dear to me (except for Uncle Grayson, and some great aunts and uncles who lived long and full lives into their 90s) in the past while. I ended up spending the rest of the night thinking about the people I love, the things I am grateful for, and what I look forward to in my life. None of those things included my car. So, although I was out actively searching for it, my mind eventually wandered off into a much more peaceful state.
And today, Thanksgiving Day, was really lovely...I was invited to the Grittners for Thanksgiving Dinner, and actually just got home. The green bean casserole was a hit (thanks for the recipe, Steph)! We started around 3 and just kept going with intermittent games, drinks and dessert, and then back for many more rounds of dinner. It was easy to let go of my car, being surrouned with friends, the luxury of having a day off, great food and feeling safe.
Times like these help put things into perspective. I really have so much to be thankful for.
I am truly blessed, with or without my car.
Actually, it couldn't have happened at a better time. Last night, after classes were out and for the first time didn't have anything urgent that I absolutely HAD to do to meet a deadline, I sat in my apartment and started to get all down and gloomy (helped of course by the current weather we've been having). I was starting to get filled with rage, and since I didn't have anyone to take it out on, I started to hate Seattle again (like when I first moved here) except this time my thoughts about the city and its people were getting vicious and hateful. I knew it needed to stop and that I was just letting my mind wander because I felt hopeless. So, I decided to get off my tush and go out and look for my car on foot. Now, I had no real expectation of finding it (which I didn't) but I thought that at least I was TRYING to do SOMETHING about the state I was in. So, I dressed warmly and went out and combed the streets of the University District. Some of the statistics I've read have said that stolen cars are sometimes abandoned in the same neighborhood from where they were stolen. I thought I would go and and give that theory a try.
Although my search came up empty handed, the walking felt great. I realized that I could look for my car and talk at the same time (multi-tasking at its finest), and then also took a lot of time to process some emotional build-up I had put to the side and not dealt with yet. In the previous 48 hours I had gone through the gamut of emotions: trying to let it roll off my back, laughing about it with my classmates, crying about it alone, feeling violated and vulnerable to pissed off and wanting to scream, the typical emotional responses that you go through when you experience a great change in your life. I just wanted all of that to be better and resolved. I took three hours, selected a neighborhood north of campus, and basically didn't leave a single street unchecked. I didn't find my car, but I did find quite a few Nissan Sentras, and one that I imagine had also been stolen and abandoned. It was red, had been bashed in the side, and was parked on a little side street with 2 tickets on the windshield. It made me feel bad for my little car...wherever it is. As I walked, I just told myself that each minute I was out there was another minute closer to being more at peace with this situation, whatever it may be. I'm not the type of person to say that everything is fine now, I know stuff like this doesn't heal overnight. But, taking that time helped me feel good last night, which I really needed.
One thing that really helped was thinking about my family. One year ago, today, my Uncle Grayson passed away at the age of 69 from a mixture of cancers. His son, Jared, more my brother than my cousin, and I talked for quite a while on the phone. He listened to me as I bitched and moaned about my car, and then we spoke about this past year and how it has affected his life. It made me remember that although losing a car this way really sucks, it's not a death, and nobody in my life has been taken away from me or hurt. I still have a father, a mother, all of my siblings, and I haven't lost anyone near or dear to me (except for Uncle Grayson, and some great aunts and uncles who lived long and full lives into their 90s) in the past while. I ended up spending the rest of the night thinking about the people I love, the things I am grateful for, and what I look forward to in my life. None of those things included my car. So, although I was out actively searching for it, my mind eventually wandered off into a much more peaceful state.
And today, Thanksgiving Day, was really lovely...I was invited to the Grittners for Thanksgiving Dinner, and actually just got home. The green bean casserole was a hit (thanks for the recipe, Steph)! We started around 3 and just kept going with intermittent games, drinks and dessert, and then back for many more rounds of dinner. It was easy to let go of my car, being surrouned with friends, the luxury of having a day off, great food and feeling safe.
Times like these help put things into perspective. I really have so much to be thankful for.
I am truly blessed, with or without my car.
posted by D-Rock at Thursday, November 23, 2006
1 Comments:
Hey, there. I remember Jared. Good kid. Sorry to hear about Grayson. And your car. If it makes you feel any better, I understand your pain. I was hiking with Eric one night a few years back and some jerks came and smashed in all, ALL of the glass on my car. In the process they also smeared cake on the side and cut themselves pretty severely, as evidenced by the spatter I found on the side and in the back seat. People are jerks. Just comiserating.
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