Missing, Misinformed Missiles, Miscarriage, Miserable Marriages, "Miss" Pageants, Mystery
A week that offered a wider variety of events/"material" to experience and react to than usual.
Normally when you get a call from a friend telling you that they are coming home for a family funeral, you would react in a reverent way--one in which you might express your immediate condolences. Call me a bit insensitive, but when Jed informed me that he was coming home for a few days to go to Grandma Atha's (his and Jessica's great grandma's) funeral, I couldn't have been more ecstatic. It had been over three months that I hadn't seen Jed, and even though he was coming back to Salt Lake to mourn, I couldn't have been more (selfishly) happy. It was the best surprise "weekend vacation" that didn't require me to travel that I've ever had. Jed got off the plane, and we really didn't miss a beat the whole time he was here.
If you catch me staring into space, I'm most likely imagining what my life will be like in Seattle, come September. For the most part, I'm consumed with thoughts about my living space; how close I'll be to campus, what my apartment will be like, how much time I'll actually be spending at home versus at school/clinic, if I'll have neighbors, if I'll be neighborly or more reclusive, if it's really going to rain every damn day as they say and how I'll experience the elements in my new home. It's been quite the mystery. Thankfully, I think I'll have a much better idea about my soon-to-be life as I head up to Seattle next week with my cousin Jared to go apartment hunting. Armed with references and hopefully enough money to put down for a nice apartment (to rent), I anticipate that by this time next week I'll be able to provide a better answer for people when they ask how I'm feeling about moving away for grad school. Just as a side note, I've found it equally interesting to hear a lot of people ask why I'm LEAVING for grad school instead of going to the U. These questions come with true intrigue and amazement. My answer, "just wanna see what else is out there". I'm sure my decisions are making some people shake their heads in bewilderment, but that's nothing new.
I've never considered myself to be very paternal. I don't know if it's because I'm gay and for me I have not personally associated being a gay man in a gay relationship with raising kids. Just to stop any confusion, there are lots of great gay couples out there rearing their own families. I just don't see me as being a part of that. When I think about my future, I don't see kids of my own...that is until I heard news of my sister's miscarriage. It was sincerely heartbreaking for me. Two of my sisters have had miscarriages, and due to circumstances during those times, I was not able to be near them as they endured and coped with their losses. This time around I've been able to talk a bit more with Nat, and I have partaken (ever so little, albeit) of her grief, and it struck an emotional chord within me that has never been pricked before. I still don't think I'll have kids, but I guess that recognizing how powerful that loss was for her and some of the feelings I felt about it, I guess that somewhere deep inside me has definitely pondered the idea of raising children?....or at least (and not to be morbid), the sadness of losing one.
Watching Senate members interrogate Rumsfeld and some of his top men during the Senate Arms Services Committee hearing this week made me sick...because it was the first time since our nation has been in Iraq that I've seen our military leaders actually admit to problems and not fight against their opponents statements discouraging our military presence there. We've been watching for over three years some of our nation's leaders go red in the face defending our unilateral pre-emptive actions in the Middle East, not missing a moment to throw out the tired and worn out standbys "freedom, patriotism, terrorism, mass destruction, collateral damage" along with other made words like "compassionativity" and other bull shit. Those of you who know me, know that I realy have nothing good to say about Bush...AT ALL...and even less to say about us being in Iraq. Watching the Senate hearing showed me that the situation is so dire and so out of control that even those who have supported our military efforts and painstakingly never let up on why we should be there NOW can't even stand up for themselves anymore. Civil war in Iraq. What the hell have we created?
You might want to check out some interesting articles in the Salt Lake Trib and the New York times about gay men who are married to women and the issues they are facing.
SL Trib article
NY Times article
And not to just post about death, loss, sadness, happy/unhappy marriages and global blunders....I thought I would end this post on a lighter note. Tomorrow I have the PLEASURE to work not only one pageant....but THREE! Yes, the US Continental Pageant (???) has landed at the Rose Wagner Center for Performing Arts and tomorrow the newly appointed Miss Teen US Continental, Miss US Continental, and Mrs. US Continental will all being their reigns of queens supreme of the US Continent. Isn't that great? I think the event organizers may have taken James Monroe's "Monroe Doctrine" a little bit to heart when coming up with this beauty contest. Thinking that political and physical geography awareness aren't exactly pre-reqs for this one. Yikes. Sounds like a winner of a pageant to me.
Normally when you get a call from a friend telling you that they are coming home for a family funeral, you would react in a reverent way--one in which you might express your immediate condolences. Call me a bit insensitive, but when Jed informed me that he was coming home for a few days to go to Grandma Atha's (his and Jessica's great grandma's) funeral, I couldn't have been more ecstatic. It had been over three months that I hadn't seen Jed, and even though he was coming back to Salt Lake to mourn, I couldn't have been more (selfishly) happy. It was the best surprise "weekend vacation" that didn't require me to travel that I've ever had. Jed got off the plane, and we really didn't miss a beat the whole time he was here.
If you catch me staring into space, I'm most likely imagining what my life will be like in Seattle, come September. For the most part, I'm consumed with thoughts about my living space; how close I'll be to campus, what my apartment will be like, how much time I'll actually be spending at home versus at school/clinic, if I'll have neighbors, if I'll be neighborly or more reclusive, if it's really going to rain every damn day as they say and how I'll experience the elements in my new home. It's been quite the mystery. Thankfully, I think I'll have a much better idea about my soon-to-be life as I head up to Seattle next week with my cousin Jared to go apartment hunting. Armed with references and hopefully enough money to put down for a nice apartment (to rent), I anticipate that by this time next week I'll be able to provide a better answer for people when they ask how I'm feeling about moving away for grad school. Just as a side note, I've found it equally interesting to hear a lot of people ask why I'm LEAVING for grad school instead of going to the U. These questions come with true intrigue and amazement. My answer, "just wanna see what else is out there". I'm sure my decisions are making some people shake their heads in bewilderment, but that's nothing new.
I've never considered myself to be very paternal. I don't know if it's because I'm gay and for me I have not personally associated being a gay man in a gay relationship with raising kids. Just to stop any confusion, there are lots of great gay couples out there rearing their own families. I just don't see me as being a part of that. When I think about my future, I don't see kids of my own...that is until I heard news of my sister's miscarriage. It was sincerely heartbreaking for me. Two of my sisters have had miscarriages, and due to circumstances during those times, I was not able to be near them as they endured and coped with their losses. This time around I've been able to talk a bit more with Nat, and I have partaken (ever so little, albeit) of her grief, and it struck an emotional chord within me that has never been pricked before. I still don't think I'll have kids, but I guess that recognizing how powerful that loss was for her and some of the feelings I felt about it, I guess that somewhere deep inside me has definitely pondered the idea of raising children?....or at least (and not to be morbid), the sadness of losing one.
Watching Senate members interrogate Rumsfeld and some of his top men during the Senate Arms Services Committee hearing this week made me sick...because it was the first time since our nation has been in Iraq that I've seen our military leaders actually admit to problems and not fight against their opponents statements discouraging our military presence there. We've been watching for over three years some of our nation's leaders go red in the face defending our unilateral pre-emptive actions in the Middle East, not missing a moment to throw out the tired and worn out standbys "freedom, patriotism, terrorism, mass destruction, collateral damage" along with other made words like "compassionativity" and other bull shit. Those of you who know me, know that I realy have nothing good to say about Bush...AT ALL...and even less to say about us being in Iraq. Watching the Senate hearing showed me that the situation is so dire and so out of control that even those who have supported our military efforts and painstakingly never let up on why we should be there NOW can't even stand up for themselves anymore. Civil war in Iraq. What the hell have we created?
You might want to check out some interesting articles in the Salt Lake Trib and the New York times about gay men who are married to women and the issues they are facing.
SL Trib article
NY Times article
And not to just post about death, loss, sadness, happy/unhappy marriages and global blunders....I thought I would end this post on a lighter note. Tomorrow I have the PLEASURE to work not only one pageant....but THREE! Yes, the US Continental Pageant (???) has landed at the Rose Wagner Center for Performing Arts and tomorrow the newly appointed Miss Teen US Continental, Miss US Continental, and Mrs. US Continental will all being their reigns of queens supreme of the US Continent. Isn't that great? I think the event organizers may have taken James Monroe's "Monroe Doctrine" a little bit to heart when coming up with this beauty contest. Thinking that political and physical geography awareness aren't exactly pre-reqs for this one. Yikes. Sounds like a winner of a pageant to me.
posted by D-Rock at Saturday, August 05, 2006
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