Safeway Produce Section

I love my local Safeway. It's relatively close, relatively cheap with a relatively good selection of stuff to choose from. But one thing that is certainly isn't "relatively", is cool. It's way more than that. Now I can't speak for all Safeways, and not even the Safeways in Seattle, but the Safeway in the University District definitely is much better than relatively cool. Especially when it comes to the produce section.

One fine September day, whiling away all the hours in the middle of the week and probably in the middle of the day (I can't believe how much time I had on my hands before school started--just 5 weeks ago!) I was being very picky about the types of plums I was going to have for my fruit bowl. There were many types to choose from...it was a big decision. After going with the cheaper option (student loans and all) I started my leisurely stroll downt the fresh vegetable wall, doing my own little version of food window shopping. Stopping at the arugula (this was in the heat of the spinach scare) and admiring the nice leafy greens, I was suddenly blinded by a flashing light. "Yep...this is it...this is how I'm going to go...go towards the light, Derek...go towards the light" is what ran through my head for a split second. Was it the worst migrane imagineable? rare under-age strokes? Why can I only see white in every direction? I stepped back and thankfully realized that my eyes had just been inches away from a strobe-light fixed directly above the fresh vegetable produce (you know, the greens, brocolli, cucumbers, etc.). That's just one of the advantages of being 6'5"--head/face/eye/nose/neck/etc injury due to low hanging objects...the little things in life people under 6'3" will never have to worry about. Anyway, the strobe flashed again, and repeated a few more times. Suddenly, literally from out of no direction, thunder was violently clapping, and by this time I really thought I was hallucinating. "Great...first my eyes, now my ears...they call this place SAFE-way?" The strobes continued to go, the thunder got louder and louder, and then the waterworks started, spraying me and the veges with the finest of mists. I had just experienced a tropical storm inside a grocery store on the corner of 47th NE & Brooklyn. I stood in awe, wiped my face and laughed.

The purpose of the strobe light? At first I couldn't decide if it was just a way to warn smarter shoppers to either stand back or get ready for some spring showers, but then there was the additional thunder claps which preceded the misting. So then I thought, "okay, the strobe is to signal the shoppers who suffer from some form of hearing loss, or who aren't paying that much attention to audible warnings, and the thunder is for those with low vision or who are completely blind". But then it really hit me...Safeway is just giving that produce the respect it deserves--its own producarian rights, by developing and maintaining an environment that is as close to being natural as can be while being located in the middle of a great and busy American city. It's taking into consideration the well being of the produce while each individual waits to be taken to a home or restaurant, where they will come face to face with their maker and close the chapter on this phase of their existence. Safeway...the progressive grocer.

So, I will continue to shop at Safeway, and purchase their well-tended produce, and try my best to do the same for them as I bring them safely home, minus the blinding strobe. Maybe I'll try making my own gushing water sounds as I wash my carrots, bang pots and pans as I spin my lettuce, and whisper sweet nothings into the ears of corn as I husk away. Regardless, Safeway gets the Derek star of approval for most fruit & vegetable friendly in Seattle. Safeway has set the gold standard, it's time for the others to catch up.